Radiant Second Act

  Hello, old friend. I’ve missed you. It feels like a lifetime ago that we used to have so much fun together. What happened? How did we drift apart? Oh, wait. I do know what happened. It was  that  relationship. The one that turned my world into an upside-down, inside-out, no-sense-making mess. The one where I lost every last glimmer of hope and belief in a world that functioned the way it was supposed to. The one where I lost  me . Waking up from the nightmare of narcissistic abuse is only the beginning. Realizing that this isn’t normal, that you  aren’t  crazy, that your gut had been screaming at you for a reason — those are just the first steps. What comes next? That, my friend, is the real roller coaster. Because now, after the shock wears off, you’re left staring at the mirror and asking,  Who the hell am I? And wow, is that a question. Because here’s the thing about surviving narcissistic abuse: you don’t just lose yourself in the relationship — ...

  Photo by  Geranimo  on  Unsplash Oh, and how can I forget the second-guessing of myself? Maybe I  was  being too difficult or demanding. Maybe I really didn’t understand what a relationship was  supposed  to be like — I mean, I was an adult, so what was I doing believing in fairy tales? You see, narcissists are experts at short-circuiting our inner guidance system — our intuition. That deep, knowing voice inside you that once screamed,  This isn’t right!  gets drowned out by their endless justifications, gaslighting, and blame-shifting. Instead of trusting your gut, you start fixating on them. Their moods. Their reactions. Their ever-changing rules. And that, my friend, is exactly how they keep you trapped. The Obsession Trap We waste  so much time  trying to diagnose, dissect, and decode narcissistic behavior. We Google their traits. We watch videos about covert vs. overt narcissists. We analyze whether they had a rough chil...

  Photo by  Hannah Busing  on  Unsplash I grew up in Southern Maryland — small-town enough that everyone knew your business (without the help of social media…  gasp! ). It was the kind of place where your parents always knew you were safe because, like it or not, somebody was always watching. The highlight of the year? Piling into the station wagon — or the big ol’ family van — and heading east for the three-hour trek to Ocean City. If we were  really  lucky (and business was good), we got to make the trip  twice . And let me tell you, that made us the  envy  of the neighborhood. I remember it all so vividly — the scent of the ocean carried on the breeze long before we saw the first stretch of sand. There was nothing like rolling the windows all the way down and breathing in the mix of salty sea spray, cotton candy, and Thrasher’s fries ( because if you haven’t had Thrasher’s fries, have you even lived?! ). The sounds were just as intoxi...

  Photo by  Tolga Ulkan  on  Unsplash Can we talk about how incredibly damaging gaslighting is? It has become such a buzzword these days, being used in an almost offhanded way to express displeasure when someone says anything that “offends” the others’ viewpoint, even if the offense is just a difference of opinion. But for those involved in a narcissistic — or hell, even a run-of-the-mill abusive relationship (if there is such a thing) — gaslighting has a far greater meaning. And it is oh so much more damaging than hurt feelings. Gaslighting erodes the very foundation of one’s personhood. Diminishing the spark we all carry within is that tells us what’s right, what’s wrong, how the world is supposed to work, and even who we are. It’s like tumbling through the looking glass in Alice in Wonderland, and coming out into a world where left is right, up is down, black is white, and rabbits tell time. It shakes the very fabric of your life. Gaslighting is one of the most in...