What I Wish I'd Known Before Perimenopause Smacked Me in the Face--The Unexpected Joys (and Horrors) of the "Change"

 


Ladies. Gather ‘round.

I’ve got some real talk for you—the kind of convo we should be having over mimosas, dark chocolate, and hot flashes. Because nobody warned me about this wild hormonal rollercoaster called perimenopause, and honey, I was NOT ready when it slapped me in the face like a hormonal ninja in the night.

Let’s be clear—this is not your grandma’s “change of life.” This is a full-blown, no-mercy, rage-filled carnival ride with surprise facial hair and a side of existential dread.

The Sneaky Start (a.k.a. "Wait, What’s Happening to Me?")

I remember the first time I felt something was off. I was standing in the middle of Target (as one does), holding a bottle of shampoo, and suddenly—sweat. POURING down my back like I was running a marathon in a sauna. Then came the rage. A man child in his thirties cut me off with his cart, and I actually fantasized about smacking him with a loofah.

I wasn’t just irritable. I was possessed.

But still, no one said "Hey girl, you’re probably entering perimenopause!"

Because we don’t talk about it. We whisper about it like it’s Voldemort.

So here’s what I wish someone—anyone—had told me before I found myself crying because my jeans were tight and my dog looked disappointed in me.

1. Your Hormones Will Go Full Diva

Estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone will start doing interpretive dance routines with no warning. One day you’ll feel like Beyoncé, the next you’re sobbing into a grilled cheese sandwich because you watched a video of a duck and a dog being best friends.

The swings are real, y’all.

And no, you’re not crazy. Your hormones are glitching like a 90s dial-up modem. It's not in your head—it’s in your endocrine system.

2. Your Body Is About to Throw a Temper Tantrum

Sleep? Gone.

Waistline? Expanding like it’s trying to escape your jeans.

Boobs? Sore for no reason.

Libido? Like a ghost—once visible, now vanished.

AND THEN, when you do want to get frisky, your body’s like, “Nah, girl. We dry now.” Excuse me?

There should be a warning label on life at 40+: Contents may shift without notice.

3. Hot Flashes Will Make You a One-Woman Sauna

Picture this: It’s winter. You’re in flannel PJs, under a comforter, cozy with your partner. Suddenly—BAM—you’re ripping clothes off like a deranged Chippendales reject. You’re drenched in sweat, your pillow feels like lava, and the ceiling fan is suddenly your new best friend.

It’s not sexy. It’s not cute. But you will get real good at layering.



4. Mood Swings Are No Joke, and Neither Is Brain Fog

One minute you’re fine. The next you’re sobbing because someone ate the last of the salsa. (Okay yes, that was me. And I don’t regret it.)

Oh, and good luck remembering names, why you walked into a room, or where you left your keys (spoiler: in the fridge next to the cheese).

This is your brain on perimenopause. Add coffee and sarcasm as needed.

5. You Might Feel Lost – But You’re Actually Waking Up

Here’s the twist no one talks about.

In the middle of all this hormonal chaos, something unexpected happens.

You start to see things clearly. You start questioning the bullsh*t you’ve been tolerating. You get tired of playing small. You feel this fire to rediscover yourself.

It’s messy. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s also a massive cosmic reset button. And that, my friend, is where the magic happens.

So, What Helps?

Let me give you a little cheat sheet from the trenches:

  • Track your cycle (even if it’s a feral gremlin of a cycle). Apps like Clue or Flo are lifesavers.

  • Magnesium, B-complex, and adaptogens (like ashwagandha) became my holy trinity.

  • Move your body. Not to punish it—but to support your sanity.

  • Get rid of toxic people. This is not the season for fake friends or energy vampires.

  • Sleep when you can. Nap like your life depends on it.

  • Hydrate, eat real food, and throw away your scale. You’re not a number.

  • Speak up. Advocate for yourself with your doctor. You’re not “just stressed.” You’re going through a massive hormonal upheaval and deserve support.



The Power of the Midlife Phoenix

Perimenopause isn’t a punishment—it’s a portal.

Yes, it feels like your body has turned against you. But truth? It’s waking you up. It’s shedding the BS. It’s helping you rise from the ashes of burnout, perfectionism, and people-pleasing.

You’re not broken. You’re becoming.

So rage a little. Cry if you need. Laugh at the absurdity. And then straighten that crown, sister.

You’re not losing your mind. You’re finding your power.

And next time someone says “You’re hormonal,” smile sweetly and say, “Yes, I am. And I’m also dangerous, wise, and unstoppable. So back up, Chad.”

Welcome to the club. It’s sweaty, snarky, and sacred.

Want more real talk, support, and empowerment? Join the Radiant Souls newsletter and grab your free “Hot Mess to Hell Yes” guide. Because midlife isn’t the end—it’s the beginning of your badass era.

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