Not All Narcissists Are Insecure: The Myth of Fragile Egos and the Reality of True Manipulation

 


This may be an unpopular opinion (and it IS just MY opinion…I don’t claim to be a narcissist whisperer or all-knowing expert), but….

Let’s get real for a second — how many times have you heard someone say, “Oh, deep down, they’re just insecure” when talking about a narcissist? It’s a nice idea, right? Makes them seem a little less scary, a little more human. But let me tell you something from personal experience — some narcissists are not fragile little creatures crying for love. Some are stone-cold manipulators who know exactly what they’re doing and love every minute of it. Understanding this is key to breaking free and reclaiming your power.

The Comforting Myth of Narcissistic Insecurity

I used to believe it too. I told myself that if I could just love them enough, if I could reassure them, then maybe, just maybe, they’d finally drop the act and be a decent person. Spoiler alert: that never happened. The idea that narcissists act out because they secretly hate themselves is a dangerous fairytale. Sure, some might be covering deep wounds with bravado, but others? Oh, they are thriving in their toxic superiority.

And believing they’re just ‘hurt’ keeps you trapped in their cycle. You keep trying to fix them, soothe them, help them — meanwhile, they keep using you, draining you, and leaving you questioning your sanity. But guess what? Some narcissists don’t need fixing, because in their minds, they’re already perfect. And those are the ones you really need to watch out for.

The Reality: Not All Narcissists Are Insecure

Some narcissists truly believe they are superior. Not as a defense mechanism. Not as a mask. They walk through life with the absolute conviction that they are the main character and the rest of us are just extras in their story. They’re not fishing for compliments because they’re insecure. They expect adoration as their birthright. 

My husband was obsessed with all things Mafia — and I truly believe that he walked through life believing that he was the modern-day Godfather of our town. He also was fond of waxing poetic (for HOURS) about his opinions (facts in his eyes) on subjects ranging from educational reform to parenting to what women really want — nothing was off limits. The fact that he had zero personal experience in a particular subject did not deter him from being an “expert”. He proudly proclaimed how not even ‘so-called experts’ could teach him anything since they were not better than him. (super difficult to grow when you are already a God). The final straw was when he decided to use the Constitution as a manipulation/abuse tool. I could not insist on him talking to me with kindness and respect since this “trampled on his Constitutional right of free speech”. 

And then there are the truly dangerous ones — the malignant narcissists. These folks aren’t just self-absorbed; they actively enjoy watching you suffer. They gaslight, manipulate, and destroy, all without a second thought. Unlike the insecure narcissist who craves validation, malignant narcissists do not care. They know exactly what they’re doing, and they sleep just fine at night.

This is why recognizing the difference is so important. If you think they’re just an ‘insecure little child,’ you might stick around, thinking you can fix them. But if you understand that some are fully aware of their actions and simply do not care, you’ll realize that staying is only hurting you, not helping them.

Conclusion

Believing that all narcissists are secretly insecure is not just wrong — it’s dangerous. It keeps you stuck, making excuses for their behavior and hoping they’ll change. But some narcissists? They don’t hate themselves. They love themselves — a little too much, actually — and they’re not looking for validation, they’re looking for control.

So, let’s stop wasting our energy trying to decode them and start putting that energy into healing ourselves. Not all narcissists are insecure, and not all deserve your compassion. Some just deserve distance. Your freedom starts when you stop trying to understand them — and start focusing on getting the hell away from them.

Join the Radiant Souls Newsletter!

Snark. Sass. Inspiration. And (Mostly) Helpful Tips & Recipes!

You’re fabulous, but let’s be honest — life can be a hot mess express. That’s where I come in. Sign up for my weekly(ish) newsletter, packed with just the right amount of snark, sass, and straight-up inspiration to keep you feeling empowered, laughing through the chaos, and maybe even whipping up a recipe that won’t set off the smoke alarm.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

5-Minute Rituals to Shift Your Energy and Manifest Your Dream Life

Image
  Photo by  Bermix Studio  on  Unsplash Ever wake up feeling  meh  — like you need 3 cups of coffee, a pep talk from Oprah, and a sign from the universe just to function? Yeah, same. (In fact, I sometimes think I’m the Queen of “aww do I haaavvvee to?) But here’s the deal:  your energy determines what you attract . If you’re vibing low, you’re going to pull in stress, frustration, and more “meh.” But if you shift your energy — even just for five minutes — you can  reboot your mindset, realign with your goals, and start manifesting your dream life. I know, I know…I didn’t believe all the rah rah, cheering section either. Until I tried it! And the best part? You don’t need an hour of meditation or a full moon ritual (unless you’re into that, in which case, rock on 🌙). Just  five minutes  can make a difference. Here are  five quick, powerful rituals  to raise your vibe and get you back on track fast: Morning Power Affirmations (1...
Read more

Sleepwalking, Tea-Making, and Cat Wrangling: My ADHD Diagnosis Was in My Dreams (literally!)

Image
  I’ve always had a complicated relationship with sleep. Or rather, sleep has had a complicated relationship with me. I don’t just sleep — I  perform . I have walked, talked, argued, laughed, and even performed domestic duties, all while completely unconscious. I once woke up to find that I had made a full cup of tea in the middle of the night. The worst part? I don’t even  like  tea. Then there was the time my cat mysteriously ended up outside overnight. No one let him out. Well, no one  conscious , anyway. For years, I chalked this up to being “a little quirky.” Maybe I had a super-active imagination that just refused to shut off at night. Maybe my dream self was just far more productive than my awake self. Either way, it was weird, but not weird enough for me to think something was wrong. (Although my son’s girlfriend thought I may be possessed one night when she was trying to talk to me and I, eyes wide open, was not consciously aware). The Big ADHD Revelati...
Read more

How To Stop Playing Small and Start Living BIG!

Image
  Hey Radiant Soul, Let’s get real—how many times have you held yourself back? Said no when you really wanted to say yes? Shrunk yourself to make others comfortable? Dismissed your dreams with a casual “Maybe one day” —even though that day never comes? I see you. I’ve been you. And here’s the truth: You were not put on this earth to play small. Yet, so many of us do. We settle for relationships that don’t fulfill us, jobs that drain us, and routines that keep us in a loop of just getting by . We tell ourselves we’re too old , too busy , too late —and we shrink our lives into a safe little box. But here’s the thing: The box isn’t actually safe. It’s suffocating. It’s a slow death of your wild, beautiful, powerful spirit. And it’s time to break out. Why Do We Play Small? Before we dive into how to change, let’s call out the real reasons we keep ourselves stuck: 🔥 Fear of failure – What if I try and I fail? (But what if you try and you FLY?) 🔥 Fear of judgment – What wil...
Read more